


Mulberries

by CocoB0n



Category: Dream Team (Video Blogging RPF), Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Angst and Feels, Bad Parenting, Best Friends, Demon Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Emotional Hurt, Father-Son Relationship, Friends to Enemies, Friendship, Heavy Angst, Hurt Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), I Made Myself Cry, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Men Crying, Sapnap Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 13:08:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30072735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CocoB0n/pseuds/CocoB0n
Summary: Sapnap never really understood why the taste of berries comforted him, or how fire made his skin itch, but the sweet tart made him reminiscence of his past life and who he left behind.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Darryl Noveschosch & Sapnap, GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	Mulberries

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: Mentions of blood and dead birds, please don't read if any of that would make you uncomfortable :)   
> Also, a small symbolism to keep in mind while reading, Mulberries can lead to hallucinations   
> Enjoy

The winds that flew by Sapnap’s ear were cold, broken, and crying. Sounds whisking by at the touch of a hand, fleeting and infinite, yet unable to touch. They’re cries were empty and voidable, so close yet so far. 

His amber eyes that looked to the soft ashy ground were unreadable. As they concentrated on the dark dirt, trying to find some sort of message to guide himself, he could hear the heavy footsteps of a man behind him. They were harsh and familiar, as a warm hand gripped his shoulders. 

“It’s not your fault Sapnap..” A sweet chilling voice arose behind him, carrying comfort in each syllable “some things are just meant to die young.”

Despite the warmth in the familiar voice, the words sent a ping of anger in his guts. The dead bird that was lying with its wings sprawled and cracked, the ashes of fire surrounding the deceased creature, smoke pooling in dark beady eyes. It's a lifeless body that used to fly so high, now resulting in dirt. 

If he had just calmed himself and took deep breaths instead of blowing off the deep end, he wouldn’t have hurt the bird. He hadn’t meant to throw a fit and burn everything in his sight, but he simply couldn’t control himself. By the time he finally managed to focus on what he was doing, the deed had already been done. 

And it was all his fault...

The man behind him knelt down, the black and red robe brushing ever so slightly against him, longhorns being visible just from his peripheral vision. They nearly matched his own smaller ones that stuck to his forehead, marking him, showing what he actually was. 

_ A monster.  _

“Sapnap, Hey Sapnap don’t cry,” The demon cooed softly, wrapping a comforting hand on his back, warm just how he knows. It provides little comfort that does nothing to steel the pain and guilty rising in his chest. 

The warm painful liquid threatening to pass his lids, barely holding on with a bite to his lip. It was hard to hold on as he let out a shaky breath, willing himself to say something, explain himself. 

Yet as he opened his mouth, no words could be spoken. Only a strangled breath as he let the tears pass as his vision became watery, unable to stop the broken sobs escaping his lips anymore. Every bone in his body hurt at the pain and guilt of what he was, ashamed he let such a beautiful creature die. 

The cries were loud and ugly as the demon rushed him into a hug, holding him close and secure, whispering whatever comforting nonsense he could come up with. 

“Sapnap, It’s ok Daddy's here,” The man muttered softly, letting the tears drip down on his cloak “It’s ok to cry now, little one, I’m here for you.”

The raven sniveled, balling black fabric into his fists as he let everything go, bubbling tears gushing down his face as he babbled all the horrid thoughts in his head. 

“I didn’t mean to kill birdie,” Sapnap sobbed, teeth gritting as the painful air of smoke lodged itself into his lungs “I was just so angry, everything was burning and I couldn’t stop it anymore, and the next thing I knew... everything was on fire and it’s was so scary, Dad!”

“Shh, I know Sap,” The man whispered, petting the wild black locks down with each gentle touch. 

The wind fell harsher on his pointed ears, sending chills down his spine. It felt horrible on his sore red eyes as he shut them tight, letting the blackness increase the spiral of hell he felt himself swarm into. 

“It was so scary” Sapnap whimpered, shivering at the numbness and cold breaking him down “I had no control, all I could do was watch as everything around me burned. It was like a different side of me that only wanted to hurt the things I loved.”

Dark thoughts that haunted his mind, all the evil things he kept himself at bay for, it was like opening Pandora's box. Every evil thought he ever had was awakened, pounding in his mind to just do it already. Whatever pain he did was temporary and that power was infinite. 

It was tiring and his body became sore with ache. All he wanted was to sleep back in his warm bed and forget everything that happened, to hide away all his painful feelings and never let them affect him again. 

Even he knew, despite only being ten years old, that it would be impossible. 

Death was irreversible and the guilt he has to live with forever. There was no way he could say sorry anymore, he could never forgive himself. He had to live with this side of himself, and there was nothing he could do about it. 

“I’m a monster,” Sapnap muttered, breath slightly heaved as he regained himself “a horrible, no good beast.”

The demon pulled away, eyes wide in shock, holding the younger child by the shoulders “Sapnap, don’t say that!”

A large pout was on the ravens lips as he refused to look into his fathers eyes, trailed down to the marshy floors where just a bit of blood lined his vision. His amber eyes could barely adjust to the flickering of lashes as he blinked away tears. 

“You’re a demon, you should be proud of your abilities” The demon tried to comfort, offering the slightest of smiles “Sapnap, you are strong, this only proved that more. You’re no monster, you’re a hero.”

Something in the way his father said that pulled Sapnap the wrong way, looking up to meet with dark red eyes and grinning teeth. There was something chaotic and evil in his fathers face, but he accepted that part of his dad a long time ago. 

“...You don’t think I did anything wrong,” Sapnap muttered, drying his eyes with his palm, willing the tears to just vanish already. 

“Of course not!” Bad chuckled, standing up high as the raven reached barely to his upper waist, amber eyes blinking up to his father “you’re just testing your powers, there’s nothing to be ashamed of!”

While the demon kept giggling, completely forgetting about the carcass on the ground, he dragged the younger boy forward and away from the deceased animal “Come, child, I can show you your powers and how far you can develop them.”

Sapnaps hand was reluctantly taken as he was dragged away from the scene of the crime. He had no choice but to follow, glancing back to the lifeless eyes that would scare him for the rest of his life. 

If there was one thing he wanted to prevent, it was to end up like that, a weak body. More than that, he wanted to hide himself from the world and his powers. Of what he was, an evil monster. 

So, later that night when his father was deep into sleep, not paying any mind to the vacant scissors on the kitchen table, he took matters into his own hand. 

With a clumsy grip and a stick between his teeth, Sapnap began to cut off each of his horns. It was painful with nerves and barely scratched the surface, but as tears welled in his still sore eyes, he couldn’t help but feel he deserved this. 

What right did he have to kill another life and get away with it? Just because he was a demon? He deserved this, even if it hurt. 

By the time his body gave out and his grip faltered, leaving the blade to slip from his grip onto the floor with a clank, he couldn’t help but cry harder. Not from the pain or blood dripping from his forehead, but from the fact his horns remained proud on his head. Not even a dent from his tired weak hands.

Frustration poked at his heart as he slammed his fists onto the bathroom sink “GET THE FUCK OFF!”

Sapnaps screeching filled the house, as he took angry fists into his hair and pulled hard. He was hysterical as he continued to shout at the stupid cursing horns stuck upon his head “I DON’T WANT THIS, I HATE YOU, I HATE ME!” 

His pull remained tight for just a moment longer before he let go and realized everything he just said. His shaky hands fell to his sides as he looked into the mirror, the tears staining on his cheek. Some tufts of hair were still in his claws as he blinked to his reflection. 

“I hate… myself.”

As he stared down at the damage he caused, the young child couldn’t help but feel so exhausted. He couldn’t handle the pain anymore, so he needed to hide. To keep a way to shield himself from his inevitable fate. 

Sapnap glanced to the left to see a single band, white as a snowflake, laying on the bathroom counter. It seemed untouched and begging to be used, as he grabbed the silky cloth with ease. 

He carefully wrapped the white band and hid his horns, finding it to work just enough so it covered the darkness of his horns. His hair also had an added effect as it completely shielded the vile things, hiding him from his reality. 

Just like that, he felt calm. It was simple, efficient, and he could finally breathe. There was no loud rumbling in his head to cut off his horns and nothing screaming at him to burn the whole forest to the ground. 

A shaky smile reached his lips as he tried to muffle the giggles in his throat. He was free, he could be himself like this. A blessing from the heavens that gave him the brilliant idea, as the tears were wiped from his cheeks for the second time that day. 

This was how it was supposed to be, how he was meant to be. A normal functioning human and nothing else. 

He ignored the lonely lingering feeling as he finally let his mind rest for the night, jumping off the bathroom stool and to his room. There he laid in cold sheets that held no warmth, closing his eyes and slipping to a dreamless slumber. 

Although he felt safe for the time being, he could never truly hide his identity. The crazed demon inside him had to be shown eventually. 

Especially once he had gained friends, people he cared for on his choice, not just family. 

It was hard to learn to get along with others. Yet, as he began to learn to accept love in his heart and deal with his conflicting internal demons, he found it wasn’t as difficult as he thought. Letting others in and allowing them to worm their way into his life. 

Dream and George were practically siblings to him. How they would always bicker together, poke fun, and wrestle around. 

He couldn’t process how it all started, perhaps a smile their way or a slight wave, he was unsure, but ever since then the three were by each other's side. They held no judgement for one another and accepted every little detail they knew about each other. 

All he knew was that he managed to score some amazing friends and years later, when they were all grown up and serving their countries, they stuck by each other's sides. Through thick and thin, the three of them fought many wars together, through flames and oceans, hard rocks and sand. 

To him, his friends meant  _ everything _ . 

They accepted the shy parts of himself and built him to a hardy structure, to who he was today, a confident young man. Even though the white band that still clung to his forehead hid his most important part of self, he knew he could continue being with them even if he didn’t tell them everything that was true. 

But like all good things, it has to end at one point or another. 

It was like a domino effect as everything came crashing down, the ties on Sapnap’s white cloth loosening with each passing day, ever so slightly winding down on his resolve. As he began to lose everything and himself along the way. 

“Sapnap!” Dream shouted, pulling the raven into a tight grip of his collar, forest green eyes snapping to amber. He had a strong grip and nearly choked the younger boy in his path, looming over him as if they had been practical strangers. “Let me pass, now!” 

George was standing behind Dream, his own russet brown eyes piercing at the conflict ahead of his, eyebrows crooned together in annoyance. His arms were wrapped upon his chest as he stood by, looking equally done at the situation. “Sapnap, we’re leaving.”

Sapnap held his ground as he kept his arms outstretched in front of his friends, gritting his teeth in frustration. How could his friends want to leave, this place was their home, where they belonged. They were all supposed to be a happy family. 

“I cant!” Sapnap shouted, throwing his foot down in rage, feeling the warmth bubbling under his toe “If I let you guys go now, I might never see you again!”

George scoffed, rolling his eyes at the emotional act “Sapnap, we don’t want to be here anymore, Eret has taken my throne and I have no use to stay citizen to such lands”

“You can stay,” Sapnap insisted, looking to George with fear and exasperation “we can build a home away from all this madness, just the three of us, like the good old days.”

The younger man could see the look of pride slightly vanish off the brunette's face, drips of longing casted deep inside brown eyes. The regret hurt the ravens own heart as Dream pushed him further around. 

“I don’t care what you guys do, but I’m not staying here to get locked up in prison.” Dream hissed, holding the totem undying that was stained red, drops of blood hitting the green grass. His eyes were stone cold, being far too long since he held care and emotion, how they were when they were younger. Blonde curls casted his face making him look just a bit more older and tired, scars more evident in the orange hue light. 

“Please, Dream” Sapnap begged, trying to offer just the bit of restraint to have his friend stay “we need you here, I need you here, you’re all I have.”

It was a pathetic sight, to let his walls be so broken down in front of his friends. To allow them to see the most vulnerable sides of himself, but it was all worth it to make them stay. He was willing to get on his hands and knees just for them to spend one more night in their country. 

“Since the beginning Dream, it’s been us three! We built these lands to what it is today, we can’t just turn out backs on it! Let’s fight together, Dream, Please!” Sapnap rasped, pulling weak hands to the taller man's shoulder, glaring into the horrible emerald eyes that pierced his heart “don’t you care for us...”

Sapnap didn’t know what to suspect, but the hardening of green eyes and his hand being pushed off was not it. The harsh voice graveling down at him, a look of honest hatred piling on his face. 

“I don’t care for anything, anymore.”

And like that, something snapped inside. A delicate white thread that coarse his heart was cut, taking away all the locked up powers inside him. The burning at his feet became harsher and warmer, until he felt the leaking flames begging to be let free. 

It hurt and Sapnap clenched his eyes shut, begging to keep holding on for a little while longer, to let himself be responsible and speak with his words. He didn’t want his friends to see this ugly part of him, the inner demon ready to kill anything he wasn’t happy with. 

A little sweet sickening voice whispering in his ear,  _ it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault, It’s not your fault, _

_ Come here, Sapnap, let me show you how to be a demon.  _

A screeching noise escaped the poor boy's lips as he couldn’t hold the flames caged around his heart anymore. An inferno escaped his body as the blazing heat encased his head and he only saw red. 

Combusting down every miracle of self control as he cried out frustrating viles speeding out of his tongue. As if every ounce of anger he tried to suppress all his life finally broke and the demon inside him escaped, clawing everything in his insides. It hissed to him to kill, to hurt, burn down everything he loves. 

Devour Dream and George to ashes, show them all his pain, keep their deceased bodies in his memories so they could  _ never fucking leave him again _ . 

The pain was endless, embers poking all his nerve cells as he roared loudly, gripping his hair to feel the horns poking from his head. They were dull and weak but held so much weight as he finally gulped in air, carbon eating away at his lungs. 

Beady eyes haunted his mind as he wailed, the dead bird screaming at him to calm down. It’s voice was harmful to his ear as he refused to listen, just burn everything that was in his way. 

How could they leave him alone, to deal with this side of himself. Leave him broken and miserable, with no one to turn to. He didn’t want that. He wanted them to comfort him, tell him it’ll be okay, and that they would accept him no matter what. 

The timeless anger coursing his body throbbed painfully as he felt the cool tears evaporate from his face. They burned in the path left behind as he pulled his hair harder, screaming to the red sky that pooled his vision, until his voice was raspy and hoarse. 

Only then did the burning die down as the smoke began to clear from his body. The harsh stinging of carbon began to be replaced with oxygen as he took deep breathes in, calming himself from all the destruction he caused. All the pain he could never fix. 

It left him vulnerable and once again, alone. 

His eyes blinked tiredly as he could finally see what took place in front of him, passing the clouds of ash that was now surrounding himself. Cool grey skies mourning down and trees frightening away, as the world came to a stilling just so it could gasp. 

In front of him, Dream and George remained, a surprise look on their faces. They looked shocked and taken aback, looking not in his eyes, but just slightly above. His horns, lying proudly on his skin, coated in demon genetics. 

As Sapnap stared down to his hands, he wanted to vomit then and there. His once human-like skin was now being invaded by the black smokey color that once laced on his fathers skin. It spread fast as he felt the guilt leading to his gut, frightened tears pooling his vision until he finally willed his eyes shut. 

Fear haunted his mind. 

Would his friends hate him now, was he destined to lose everything he cared about. Was he never meant to have such a nice life where the three could live happily, was his future plagued with misfortune and misery. A cursed demonic path, lined with only the worst possible choices. 

He hated himself, even more now than ever before as he let quiet snivels escape his lips. 

It started with one tear, to two, to many, as he kept trying to wipe them off his face. His eyes were nailed shut as he refused to look into disappointed orbs, staring him down with disgust or betrayal. If he had to see that, there was no way he could live with himself. 

Soft sounds of shoe meeting crunchy leaves were heard as two figures moved closer, just in front of him, not able to tell if their presence was comforting or not. 

A second later, a shy hand rested on his shoulder, a comforting deep voice lulling him to relaxation. 

“Sapnap, don’t cry please,” George’s voice soothed, rubbing comforting circles to the younger's shoulder “we’re friends, friends don’t make each other cry.”

A harsh sob escaped Sapnap as he bawled more, feeling the warmth of his friends surrounding him. He couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t just run away in revolt, even more shocked they would touch his filthy skin. 

“I’m sorry Sapnap” Dream mumbled, taking long arms to wrap around the ravens neck, pulling him to a hug “I… never wanted to hurt you, you mean so much to us.”

His breath began to slow again as George joined in to hug him, the older mans curling to his neck “C’mon Sap, stop your huffing now, we’re not gonna leave you behind anymore”

“You’re our brother Sap” Dream chuckled, the blondes own wet voice making tears fall fasted down his face “We love you so much, we won’t leave your side.”

George inhaled softly, his grip increasing just slightly as he nodded to his neck “We’ll be with you forever.”

The warming embraces made Sapnap feel so comfortable and relaxed, sighing into the touch. It was such an amazing feeling he never wanted to leave, to be with his friends, fully accepted and love. 

Love, something he thought could never be paved into his heart, but he was wrong once more. His friends, people he cared for so much, cared for him as well. They stood by each other's side through war and fire, flames and oceans, rocks and sand. Complementary and bonding, they preserve even through the worst. 

Soft chuckles finally left Sapnaps lips as he let himself be surrounded in love. His friends' equally soft giggles made him smile and sigh, allowing himself to accept what has been done and finally, opening his eyes. 

Amber eyes opened softly to find patches of fire in his area, sky a dark grey, and trees long burnt down. There were no stars in the sky, and there was no Dream or George. Chill air was the only thing greeting him as he found himself utterly alone. 

There were no more tears as Sapnap blinked numbly to the dark night staining his body, horns growing just a bit stronger, and mind sinking in an endless loop. 

He was alone. 

“Fucking liars” Sapnap muttered to no one, taking a shaky finger to his tongue, feeling the tartness fill his mouth. It’s sharp and unpleasant, but something he was more than willing to deal with if it meant he could see his friends once more. 

As he closed his eyes again, he couldn’t help but reminisce in the sweet taste filling his body. 

_ Mulberries _ . 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked this sad little one shot, the ending is a little ambiguous but it's up for interpretation :) I would love some comments on your thoughts, theories, how it made you felt (I cried tbh) or anything would make my day <3   
> Leave a kudo if you liked it! It makes me warm n fuzzy to see people liking my writing :3  
> My twitter is [Cocob0n](https://twitter.com/cocob0n) if you wanna follow me there!  
> Anyway that's it, have a nice day <3


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